Budget Smugglers Can’t Hide A Dirty Big Black Hole.

Posted on December 6, 2011 by patriciawa

From whatever point of view one looks
The Liberal Party cooked its books,
Then tried to get the voters’ plaudit
Pretending there’d been a public audit.

Tony Abbott will not admit that’s fraud,
Claims he’s honest and above board.
But his team are crooks, number jugglers.
Why else does he wear those budget smugglers?

Every day, even when he’s out for jogs,
He never goes without those togs,
He much prefers them to underwear,
Keeping a copy of his lies down there.

Because of Canberra’s wintry cold
There’s plenty of room.  As each one’s told,
He shoves them in until he’s calmer
Or can climb into his body armor.

His lieutenants then repeat his lies;
Hockey sweating, with averted eyes,
Robb, who knows that lying’s bad,
Looks daily more depressed and sad.

But Abbott urges them both to fight.
Good Catholics all, they know what’s Right!
Forgiveness will come from Cardinal Pell.
Labor and the country can go to hell!

NOTES   I drafted this yesterday as I followed the thread of comments by visitors to Cafe Whispers on a post by wixxy.  He was writing about the confidence trick Tony Abbott, Joe Hockey and Andrew Robb had tried to pull on the Australian public by claiming that their 2010 pre-election budget figures, which they refused to have checked by Treasury, had been audited by reputable Public Accountants.

Now these same accountants have been fined and ‘reprimanded’ by a disciplinary tribunal of the Institute of Chartered Accountants for failing to disclose that the statement they made certifying the Liberal Party’s budget figures was not in fact a proper audit.  Well regarded journalist and economics commentator, Peter Martin,  has written a good overview of the legal implications of this ruling    He seems to agree with Treasurer Wayne Swann’s comment that this  judgement was “the final nail in the coffin for the Liberals’ economic credibility”.

I found Laura Tingle’s Walkley winning article written soon after they attemped the ‘sting’ just as telling long before this finding.  She and Peter Martin are among the few in the Canberra Press Gallery willing to call Abbott and the Coalition shadow ministers on their dishonest and manipulative tactics.  Tingle makes very clear her opinion of their behaviour as they tried to deceive the public about their budget black hole.

There are two possible explanations for how an opposition presenting itself as an alternative government could end up with an $11 billion hole in the cost of its election commitments.    One is that they are liars, the other is that they are clunkheads. Actually, there is a third explanation: they are liars and clunkheads.   But whatever the combination, they are not fit to govern.

Whatever the failings of main stream media in reporting or commenting on this attempt to win government by  fraud and other frequent and self confessed lying by  Tony Abbott, the electorate at large seem wise to his general lack of principles and don’t trust or like him very much.  That’s pretty clear from the latest Newspoll as discussed by the Pollbludger.  The ALP are still well behind the Coalition in voter preference,  but Julia Gillard has drawn ahead as preferred Prime Minister.  Tony Abbott with his highest yet disapproval rating as Leader of the Opposition seems to be disliked (mistrusted?) by almost sixty per cent of respondents.  It seems that nothing, not his media stunts nor populist slogans, not even his budget smugglers can conceal his lies no matter how hard he tries.

COMMENTS

Min,     06/12/11.   Patricia, I think that you must have had great fun writing that one..loads of chuckles from yours truly.

Roswell,     06/12/11,  “Budget smugglers”. One of the wittiest phrases I’ve heard in years.      He wears them well.

Miglo,      06/12/11     Another gem, Patricia. Not only cleverly written, but oh so true.

Lyn,       0 7/12/11 11     Patricia,    You have written a ripper of a pome this time, love it.  When someone’s work is brilliant, it makes it hard for me to select  an excerpt.

Talk Turkey,       07/12/11,    Patricia,   The focus of the Budget Smugglers, the Big Black Hole, is the single biggest lie since Children Overboard. It should be a national scandal, and NUKE the Coalons until after all the front bench has been replaced. I reckon you’re pretty game to get anywhere near Snotty Joe’s big black hole though . . . (after all it is his that we’re talking about.)

Nasking,    07/12/11,    Budget Smugglers Can’t Hide A Dirty Big Black Hole
LOL Patricia.    I can imagine seein’ a film w/ this title in an early 70s Nth American independent cinema. Smile Add a funky soundtrack.

Gravel,     10/12/11,      Another one of your wonderful gems Patricia. I love them all.  Thank you.

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Abbott, Only A Prawn In Gillard’s Game!

Posted on November 27, 2011 by patriciawa

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/opinion/photos-e6frfhqf-1226185610653?page=4

Julia Gillard, no boxer, runner or athlete,
Is winning now, not just staying on her feet.
And it’s ‘ironman’ Tony Abbott , who’s a
Poor sport, on the ropes, a bad loser.

Crying “Foul!” he shouts out a portrayal
Of her latest ‘win’ as cheating, a betrayal
Of a parliamentary principle and rule,
Refusing to admit he’s been taken for a fool.

A self-promoting ‘star’ and champion,
Busy with his bike, stunts and triathalon,
He forgot his team and leader’s role,
Kicking, by Aussie rules, a spectacular own goal.

Yet he accuses Julia Gillard of poaching,
But won’t acknowledge his own poor coaching.
This year’s scores make clear his lack of skill;
Her two fifty goals to his side’s nil.

His pride and careless tactics caused it all
And pushed a weak team member to the wall.
No need for Gillard to plot or to conspire.
Outsider Slipper grabbed the chance to be umpire.

Now they’ve seen her bulldog perseverance,
Do selectors really need more clearance
Of her credentials, a further demonstration
Of this woman’s capacity to lead our nation?

If so, here’s proof she’s good at indoor games,
Like chess, where she can use her brains!
Look how she’s played the endgame of a Queen versus Pawn
And wiped out Tony Abbott,  for all his brawn!

NOTES:  I started this at Cafe Whispers  in response to so many comments about Tony Abbott’s response of outrage and blame of Julia Gillard for her duplicity in plotting to achieve Peter Slipper’s promotion to Speaker of the House of Representatives!  My reaction at first was one of outrage too – at Tony Abbott for his hypocrisy!  I couldn’t find much humor in it until  I found the cartoon by Mark Knight.   Suddenly it seemed very funny that Abbott was so angry and it was easy then to finish the pome and publish it.   I wonder if he has enough self understanding to realize what a fool he had been to leave himself so open to being check-mated by Gillard.

I am still bemused by the astonishment with which the resignation of Harry Jenkins was received by the Opposition and the subsequent media furore over his being replaced by Slipper who was already Deputy Speaker.   As Laura Tingle says in her AFR article, the most balanced account of Slipper’s acessession to the speakership,……

“Everyone had a theory. But the truth was blindingly simple. Ever since Slipper ratted on his own party and stood for deputy speaker back when Gillard was first elected, it was obvious he would accept the position of speaker.”

So why hadn’t Tony Abbott and Liberal Party heavies been on daily red alert to act to prevent such an outcome?    Why Did John Howard, supposedly a man of some political nous, give such a glowing endorsement of Mal Brough, contender for Slipper’s seat of Fisher while in Nambour less than a week before Peter Slipper finally jumped ship on the Liberals?   Even Abbott himself had earlier encouraged Brough in his ambitions for a return to federal politics knowing that he lived in the electorate of Fisher.

If politicians like Independent Tony Windsor were well aware way back in 2010 of Slipper’s ‘availability’  for the Speakership and the potential grief Abbott was attracting by his reneging on the pairing convention for Speaker why weren’t Coalition advisors and media commentators on their guard?  Didn’t any one of them foresee  the sort of scenario which eventually played out as a result of the tight numbers in the House of Reps and their own antics there which were stressing out Harry Jenkins along?   They were well aware too, of Slipper’s flagging loyalty to his party since they themselves were its cause, promoting Mal Brough for preselection in his long held seat of Fisher.

Surely the National and Liberal party leaders together with Tony Abbott’s staffers should have been prepared to meet a range of contingencies which could arise from all that, particularly after Slipper’s brazen parading of his friendship with Kevin Rudd on the very day of Howard’s appearance in Queensland with John Connolly and Brough.    Even we humble bloggers over at Cafe Whispers  were alert to it!

Tony Abbott!   What a prawn!

COMMENTS

Sue,     27/11/11,     ……….the press writes articles casting Abbott as a victim.   But you patriciawa have cast Abbott as just an odd crustacean.. …….And a wonderful pome.

jane,    27/11/11,      patriciawa, a raw and very smelly prawn indeed. Great pome.

janice2,     28/11/11,     That has got to be the very best pome you’ve ever written! I am amazed that you continue to out-do yourself. Thank you.

kezza2,     28/11/11,      Fabulous poem

victoria,    28/11/11,     PatriciaWA   Wonderful! You really know how to put a smile on my dial. You are one talented individual!!

Ad Astra,   28/11/11,    Thank you for posting your delightful pome on TPS.

Lyn,    28/11/11,    Hi Patricia, Congratulations on your latest Pome, your work is admired by all.    I was very proud to list you first today on “Today’s Links”.

Talk Turkey,    28/11/11,     PatriciaWA    Please Please Please always post your pomes here at TPS, wherever else I care not but always here,   OHHHHHH KAYYYYYYY?!!!

TalkTurkey

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Sleeping With The Enemy Doesn’t Pay – Or Does It?

Posted on November 18, 2011 by patriciawa

In political terms it’s not in keeping
To find one side with the other ‘sleeping.’
There’s sometimes a merging of red with blue
But crossing the floor makes a hullaballoo.
Still, parties known by the colors they choose,
Sometimes coalesce their various hues.
The Nationals with their green and gold
Have joined the Liberals true blue and bold.
When the Liberal party went for the blue
They thought it stood for all that’s best and true.
Of course we know why Labor’s flag is red
It tells of all those workers’ blood once shed.
It’s clear that Greens stand up for conservation
Of the world’s environment and vegetation.

But it seemed as if all that was changed,
All the colors completely rearranged
Just because a Green MP had gone to bed,
Not with an honest Labor party red,
But with a Liberal of repute so ‘blue’
At first no one believed the story true
Until she confessed to her affaire
With Perth’s chair sniffer extraordinaire!
The man, in State Cabinet’s been retained,
Having survived much more perverse a stain.
Her party would have expelled the harlot.
Who would vote for a Green so scarlet?
But she, as an Independent, ran for cover,
And supported the party of her lover.

POST SCRIPT

Later, explaining her conversion
After her romantic excursion
With a man of known perversion
She claimed no political subversion
Nor masculine coercion.
“It was,” she said, “a mutual diversion!”

NOTES: Today’s big story in “Perth Now” is that ABC gardening guru Josh Byrne is the candidate the ALP are hoping will recover the state seat of Fremantle for them. Fremantle, the heartbeat of WA Labor was lost at the May, 2009, by-election to the Greens candidate, Adele Carles. A personable, even charismatic figure, I gave her my first preference after Peter Tagliaferri, a solid ALP candidate and former Mayor. The loss of Fremantle was a big blow to Labor which till then had held the port city seat for some ninety years, even more grievous since it put them at further disadvantage to the Liberal minority government of Colin Barnett. After the 2008 election had returned a hung Parliament he became Premier only after a deal with the Country party, known as Royalties For Regions whereby 25% of state royalties from mining and petroleum were to be invested in regional and rural infrastructure and social services.

Any advantage Colin Barnett thought he’d gained by this Labor loss must have seemed illusory when in April, 2010, Adele Carles publicly acknowledged that she and Treasurer Troy Buswell had been having an affair. She had previously denied persistent rumours of this, claiming to be a victim of a Labor party smear campaign. As you can imagine it created quite a stir. I and many others believed her because it seemed such an unlikely alliance, not just politically but personally too. Buswell had already quite a reputation as the bad boy of the Liberal party, particularly over a chair sniffing incident. I wrote this pome in response to the whole affair and my personal sense of betrayal! But I didn’t post it, still not wanting to join the gossip frenzy, having some sympathy for both their partners and children who must have suffered from all the publicity, scandal and eventual family break-ups. Buswell had to resign from his position as State Treasurer. Carles looked likely to be expelled by the Greens but she preempted that in May by walking out and declaring herself an Independent.

Later in the year though the affaire assumed even weightier political dimensions when it was revealed that Premier Barnett had brokered a secret deal with Carles which did greatly strengthen his minority government. Buswell is now back in Cabinet. He and Carles are now ‘partners’ and living together. She will undoubtedly be running for election here in Fremantle again in 2012, this time against Josh Byrne, celebrity TV broadcaster and ‘greenie’ Labor party member, if he accepts the ALP endorsement. The Liberals won’t run a candidate, as they didn’t in 2009 which contributed greatly to the Greens victory. As well there would have been some Labor drifters. Will the Greens run a candidate again? Somehow I can’t see many soft Labor or Greens votes and preferences going to Carles this time round. Time will tell!

COMMENTS

This little black duck, 18/11/11 Patricia, The muse (Erato, this time?) is with you once again

Victoria, 18/11/11 PatriciaWA, Fabulous!

confessions, 1/11/11 Thanks, hilarious!

This little black duck, 18/11/11 This is Patricia http://www.mlahanas.de/Greeks/Mythology/Erato.html

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Tony Abbott’s Body Armor.

Posted on November 16, 2011 by patriciawa

Fearing some femme fatale might charm him
And media scandal somehow harm him,
Tony Abbott’s taking care to show,
Pre-emptively, the answer will be “No!”

Unnamed sources in the Coalition,
Already fear he risks his soul’s perdition.
He’s not been home for a month or so.
Why that is, no one really seems to know.

Canberra is rife with rumor!
The L.O.T.O. is in a dark, black humor.
Has his spouse told him he has to go?
Is she sick of hearing him say “No!”

Does he so badly want a new election
He’s avoiding every chance of an erection,
Forgotten that his home is not the House, and so
Even there his answer automatically is “No!”

He can’t be having an affaire!
Cameras follow him everywhere.
Every inch of film would surely show
Female advances are always met with “No!”

But does he have the time or need for sex?
He can get his kicks with a muscle flex,
So opportunities for the Manly member to show
Inevitably are responded to with “No!”

So why he needs this suit is anybody’s guess.
Maybe, so rarely in his life has he said “ Yes”
He’ll wear it facing fires in hell where he is sure to go.
‘Cos when asked if he repents his sins he’s bound to answer “NO!”

http://www.flickr.com/photos/64041833@N04/6348689005/in/photostream

NOTES It was seeing this spoof of Tony Abbott dressed up in a bomb disposal suit on his recent trip to visit Australian troops at Tarin Kowt in Afghanistan which inspired me to adapt an earlier pome. With his usual zest for photo ops he’d tried to persuade officers to embed him in some front line action, arguing that politicians are as disposable as war correspondents who are allowed in to report behind enemy lines. The best he got for this stunt was taking part in the defusing of a mock roadside bomb, drawing laughs from assembled troops when he sprinted clumsily down the road in his body armor. Which was nothing to the fun that cartoonists, commentators and bloggers have had since these pictures were published.

PS   I updated this on 30/01/12 to meet a deliciously speculative article about Tony Abbott having an affaire at http://archiearchive.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/tony-abbott-couldnt-be-this-stupid-could-he/?blogsub=confirming#blog_subscription-3

COMMENTS

Gravel, 17/11/11 Patricia, may I say, you are a classic, that is absolutely brilliant, and the second photo is just so funny. Thank you.

archiearchive FCD,        30/01/12,     Oh thank you, Patricia. That is wonderful!

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Who’d Want Howard Back?

Posted on November 13, 2011 by patriciawa

John Howard has been Lazarus Rising,
Not just once, but twice.
His memoirs, Oz history revising,
Have been selling in the UK, cut price.

Now a crisis, most surprising,
Brings him back from Blighty in a trice.
The Liberal Party, catastrophising,
Are begging him for his advice.

Julia Gillard’s stocks are rising
In spite of all her ‘lies’.
So, should Tony Abbott go? No compromising?
No deals, no dice?

Other candidates they’re sizing
Up as leader seem to cut no ice.
Poor Andrew Robb has everyone despising
Him. You’d think he had head lice.

Joe Hockey won’t accept down-sizing.
For him that’s too big a sacrifice,
Unlike Malcolm Turnbull, who’s also tried disguising
His age with leather and Old Spice.

The great man smiles. “You need somone surprising
With a slogan, a rhetorical device.
Why not me? I’ll lead a Seniors Uprising
And show that Lazarus can rise not once, not twice, but thrice.

NOTES: One of my favorite sites, Cafe Whispers, has a new post by Miglo, titled Who Would Howard Back? which I read as Who’d Want Howard Back? Which gave rise to this pome! But never mind it’s given me the chance to read about disarray in the Liberal party over leadership speculation and to smile at the thought of a Seniors Uprising

The past few weeks has seen a refreshing trend in the media and opinion polls showing the Gillard Government recovering lost ground. At the same time Tony Abbott’s approval rating has slumped even further. Never really trusted by the electorate at large, and probably not by most in his party, he has nonetheless succeeded as Leader of the Opposition with his negative slogans and publicity stunts in undermining the credibility of the Prime Minister. Until now, that is.

Since his defeat of Malcolm Turnbull by one vote for the Liberal Party leadership his hold on the job hasn’t been seriously doubted, in spite of his obvious shortcomings as a potential Prime Minister, particularly in comparison with Turnbull who is seen to have style and gravitas as well as some grasp of public policy. The latter recently embarked on a fitness regime and general makeover giving rise to speculation that he was preparing to challenge for the leadership again. The downward trend for the Opposition in the polls and leadership speculation has caused some anxiety in the party in the absence of Tony Abbott in the United Kingdom.

There too, attending Conservative leader meetings, was John Howard who was also planning to make a speech at the Oxford Union which he quite suddenly cancelled, apologising with regret, saying that “circumstances have arisen requiring my departure from the UK”. He gave no further reasons for this and it could well be that they are personal and private. Rumors abound that he has been recalled to help resolve the current Liberal leadership crisis. At the same time media commentators and bloggers are enjoying the chance to discuss other likely contenders in the Liberal Party Leadership stakes.

COMMENTS

Gravel, 13/11/11, Well done again Patricia, I can now go on with my housework singing (under my breath, no rhythm or tune, I was behind the door when they handed out the musical gift).

Möbius Ecko, 11/11/11, Of course there’s leadership problems in the Liberal Party. The sure sign of this was the OO launching yet another false round of Labor leadership speculation of Rudd overthrowing Gillard by the end of November.

Catching up, 11/11/11 It says something that four years down the track, the Liberal Party still runs to the desires of Mr. Howard. One would think that by this time, a new party would have arisen from the ashes of Mr. Howard’s defeat. This has not happened, the ghost of Mr. Howard still reigns

Sue 15/11/11, I love your pomes patriciawa and a good laugh is always best when talking on pollies

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Royal Blush?

Posted on October 28, 2011 by patriciawa

Could Tony Abbott have predicted
A time he’d ever be conflicted
Twixt loyalties rightly his Queen’s
Or Crown Casino’s poker machines?

Asked that question about a year ago
He would for sure have answered, “No!”
But then hurt pride and thwarted ambition
Hadn’t yet goaded him to near sedition.

Wondering how to please James Packer,
He dreamed up what he thought a cracker
Of a stunt. A promo for strip poker!
He’d be hailed an Ace! Our own Oz Joker!

Front page pix of Tony Abbott’s arrest
Reveal much more than his hairy chest.
Notorious now as the ‘CHOGM gate crasher’
He’s certified; the world’s most famous flasher.

Mad for power and media attention,
He broke every constitutional convention.
His defence? He was irrational, confused,
Unaware Her Majesty was not amused.

NOTES: Tony Abbott’s gatecrashing of CHOGM for bi-lateral talks with leading figures like the British PM, David Cameron, and as well to give press conferences which upstaged the Prime Minister led to speculation at Cafe Whispers and other sites about other attention seeking stunts he might pull.

Which got me thinking about his prediction that he and the Liberal Party would rescind any legislation Julia Gillard’s government might pass on a mandatory pre-commitment scheme brought in to reduce problem gambling.

This naturally enough had me wondering what the Leader of the Opposition could do to help his friend and political ally, James Packer. who has been hurt and upset by accusations from leftie latte drinkers that his poker machines cause suffering to addicts!

Inevitably too it had me indulging in a bit of wishful thinking! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the political career of the Mad Monk was ended by one last stunt which went too far! And one involving over exposure of that manly physique we’ve seen far too much of already! What better defence could he offer for an act of gross indecency than that of another Liberal politician who claimed confusion and irrationality when recently on trial for shop lifting and assault of a security guard.

PS – Reading the transcript of the joint press conference last night between UK PM David Cameron and our own PM Julia Gillard in which the truth was spoken about the status of carbon pricing throughout the world with careful circumventing of Abbott and our national debate by both speakers I marvelled at their maturity compared with his idiotic efforts to draw attention to himelf. What can Abbott now do? No doubt he will try something!

COMMENTS

Sue, 29/10/11, Good grief patriciawa I am now really worried about what the nutter will do at the BarBQue. It is his last chance for a photo op with the Queen. We can only hope that security is wise and they keep and eye out for the stalker.

Victoria, 29/10/11, Much appreciated.

Casablanca 29/10/11 Flattered that I played some small part in sparking another poem but all the glory goes to you for yet another very apt and witty offering. The pen is indeed mightier than the sword!

jane 29/10/11, Mind you, Casablanca, I wouldn’t mind seeing Liealot run through with a well aimed Gillard sword.

Casablanca 29/10/11, jane – Agree. It would be nice to see Liealot run through by a well aimed Gillard sword. But first I want to see him done slowly by PatriciaWA

Ad Astra 29/10/ll PatriciaWA I liked your poem and your comment on polliepomes. How true.

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Have faith! Tony Abbott Has!

Posted on October 25, 2011 by patriciawa

Tony Abbott knows he has authority
To give commands, to turn the tide of history.
He can ignore advice, needn’t wait for votes.
Of course he can turn back those boats!

He has a sacred pledge or covenant
With God. He knows that government
Is rightly his….or soon will be. It must.
His blood oath on that just needs our trust.

For non-believers like Julia Gillard
And godless men of the old Red Guard
Who claim a democratic right to rule
He rightly has contempt and ridicule.

Businessmen must now make plans ahead
Heeding what this visionary has said.
Ignore those laws about a carbon price!
He’s warned them once! He will not say it twice!

That climate crap’s all hypothetical.
Believing it is now heretical.
Pretending to he once himself risked hell
Till shriven of his lie by Cardinal Pell.

Knowing himself to be pure of soul,
And with a clear mandate from Newspoll,
He demands again an immediate election.
Gillard must obey, with appropriate genuflection.

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Gillard Has Guts!

Posted on October 18, 2011 by patriciawa

At last. One paper tells the truth today
No matter what the others have to say.
You know, about the PM being dead,
Politically I mean. How often has that been said!

But here she is alive and well,
And with plenty of good news to tell.
This picture says it all dear reader.
We couldn’t have a better leader.

While leakers and gossip writers go to town,
Character assassins bring her down,
And Abbott does his stunts and struts,
She keeps going. Yes! Gillard has guts!

COMMENTS

victoria, 19/10/11, She certainly has guts in spades!!!

BH, 19/10/11 Nice read to start the day, PatriciaWA. Thanks.

Ad Astra, 19/10/11 What a great photo and a lovely pome! You are right, our PM has guts!

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Bloody Oath!

Posted on October 14, 2011 by patriciawa

Tony Abbott, politician,
Leader of the Coalition,
Once an upright man of God
Has now become a lightning rod
For unfair and cruel criticism
About whom there’s too much cynicism.

He once confessed to telling lies,
Which self-disclosure has given rise
To friends and foes alike inviting
Him to put his promises in writing.
Fearing that for truth his name’s now mud,
He swears he’ll sign to some in his own blood.

Today he’s offered even more –
To clarify which policies are gore and which non-gore.

COMMENTS

dylwah, 14/10/11, “gore and non-gore policies” Patricia WA, that is gold

adrian, 14/10/11, Yes, that’s one of your best Patricia WA !

Ambigulous, 14/10/11, Yes, GOLD!!!

BilB, 14/10/11, PatriciaWA, I had a good laugh at that one.

Sue, 14/10/11, With all the talk of blood letting I suppose the next thing is that Tony will call in the catholic warriors to perform an exorcism of the unholy carbon tax. With his sermon yesterday to business ‘if they shalt buy a carbon permit, thine permit is worthless and thus can not pass into the heaven of a tony government’, the congregation of the money makers was probably truly spooked.

PatriciaWA, 15/10/11, I’m wondering if Tony has decided that he can unilaterally make and break laws! Anything decided by the godless Gillard’s government which he doesn’t like need not be observed until he gets to be PM!

Min, 15/10/11, Patricia love it …policies are gore and non-gore, brilliant!

jane, 15/10/11, patricia, love ‘gore and non-gore’ – Gold!

Acerbic Conehead, 15/10/11, PatriciaWA, Loved your “Bloody Oath” poem, especially the “gore and non-gore” policies, lol.

Nasking, 17/1011, Patricia, I dig yer poem. Yer spot on w/ this:

He once confessed to telling lies,
Which self-disclosure has given rise
To friends and foes alike inviting
Him to put his promises in writing.
Fearing that for truth his name’s now mud,
He swears he’ll sign to some in his own blood.

Not only does Abbott hope to get widespread media & subsequently public attention…but he obviously knows he’s not trusted and therefore comes up w/ such extreme announcements in order to try and convince people. He seems to have few boundaries…and as we’ve witnessed the past year, he’s willing to benefit from the activities of extremist movements such as the “Rolex Revolution” & “anti-carbon price movement”…at some point addressing them like a supreme leader making all kinds of fiery, blunt, reductionist and exaggerated claims about his opposition, the government…and making bold promises that in all probability cannot be fulfilled…or would lead to huge political & socio-economic disruption. The fact that so many out there in the public and the media repeat ad nauseum his sales pitches…and the arguments of his propaganda machine including Alan Jones & some in the Murdoch empire, worries me that an Abbott regime in the present war & economically insecure climate could take this vulnerable nation down the road to a climate of extreme crusading nationalism & religiosity that will divide communities and lead to a sense of being dispossessed and somewhat persecuted for many who do not agree w/ Abbott & Murdoch’s policies.

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Pairing Pees & Queues For Members When In Parliamentary Chambers

Posted on October 11, 2011 by patriciawa

Our lovely lady PM, Jules,
Has introduced some thoughtful rules
To help other ladies in the House
Necessitated by that louse,
Abbott, and his policy on pairs.
“And for the men?” you ask. Who cares!

It is easier, remember,
When you are, and have, a member!
If you’re male and want to pee
You can stand and handle it, but we,
Even without occasion to excrete,
Will always need a cubicle with seat.

You men will never have to queue
And then have someone hassle you
To hurry up, as they start to yell,
“They’re ringing the Division Bell!”
So now there’s an arrangement for
Lots of ‘Ladies’ near the Chamber door.

Sensitive to a need for clemency
In cases of late pregnancy,
After lobbying by Rob Oakeshott,
There’s provision too for a ‘Chamber pot.’
And even for another when it
Is needed sometimes in the Senate.

For that there is a bottom line.
It’s kept hidden from Christopher Pyne.
He’s always getting up to make a POO
So he’s been assigned a special loo.
The PM’s also promised to clear the air,
In his case, by always granting him a pair.

But after all that, foul mouthed Sophie
Handed government its finest trophy,
Making redundant the need for a pair,
And what was harder still for Abbott to bear,
A warm embrace of Gillard with Rudd.
That would’ve had him fuming, spitting blood!

The Opposition may have lost that wedge
But Tony still promises repeal with a blood signed pledge.

NOTES: These were written for Cafe Whispers . Tony Abbott has said he won’t be permitting any ‘pairings’ for absences from Parliament during this session, concerned as much of its business will be about the Carbon tax legislation. Members will have to have their wits about them even when in attendance in Chambers, taking care to be available for every division. Just one inadvertent absence could bring down the government If you want to understand the importance of “pairing’’ in a Westminster parliamentary democracy, with particular reference to Australia and to this years’s hung parliament, there is a nicely succinct article by Craig Mark at The Conversation, an excellent information and research blogsite backed by our major universities.

It shows how Tony Abbott’s destructive messing with parliamentary process has extended to pairing, a hitherto civilized convention between political parties. Government, whichever side is in power, always requires more pairings than the Opposition since it has so many official functions here and overseas requiring absences from Parliament, whether at ministerial level or simply of MPs on various and routine delegations.

So far this government has denied only one out of 27 requests from the Opposition for a pair. But it has had to request more than 180 pairs for ministers and others away from the house on government business, of which the Opposition has denied over sixty, ie. one third of all requests! In spite of this negative obstructiveness the government has still managed to get all of its legislation passed, but not without great inconvenience. Recently, in spite of there being an agreement to a pair during his time out for major surgery, Kevin Rudd, the Foreign Affairs Minister, was called back early into Parliament during votes related to the carbon tax. Similarly Defence Minister, Stephen Smith, who was scheduled to attend security talks in the US, was also denied a pair.

Tony Abbott has said he will be granting no pairs at all during this parliamentary session when the Carbon tax and other important legislation comes up, though one exception to that has already been made. He was dissuaded from being particularly hard nosed over granting a pair to Craig Thomson should his new baby appear on schedule. It is in fact due today, October 10th, but like many babies it may well take its time and arrive a few days late. Public reaction to Abbott’s smug pronouncement was such that he gave way. Zoe Thomson is now assured of her husband’s company during her labour whenever it begins and ends. Abbott’s small minded and unnecessarily hard line over pairing for Arts Minister, Simon Crean, to attend the funeral of national treasure, artist Margaret Olley, was particularly unpopular given that he at the same time also prevented her good friend, Malcolm Turnbull, from paying his last respects.

It will be interesting to see what other human crises intersect with political realities over the next few weeks, and just how ridiculously rigid our alternative Prime Minister might again show himself to be. Meantime I’ve enjoyed updating my “Ps & Qs for Members when in Chambers” which I wrote when Tony Abbott was so peeved with the Independents for not choosing him as Prime Minister that he first got nasty about pairs a year ago. Christopher Pyne, Manager of Opposition Business in the House of Representatives, seems to have enjoyed implementing this policy which makes life hard for the government. Anthony Albanese and Labor whips along with their cross bench supporters have done well to keep members disciplined and get all government legislation through. I can imagine there’s been a fair bit of leg crossing when divisions were imminent!

POST SCRIPTUM on October 12th, 2011. The Clean Energy legislation was passed and with a majority of two – pairs made irrelevant by by Sophie Mirabella’s bad behaviour resulting in her exclusion from the house before the final vote!

COMMENTS

Sue, 10/10/11 How about this for a new title for Christopher pPyne? The Miss Manager of Opposition Business

patriciawa 10/10/11, Very apt, Sue!

jane 10/10/11, jane Sales of Depend underware have skyrocketed in Canberra according to supermarket managers and chemists. However, it seems that the government has cornered the market and the opposition has been pipped on the post.

Little Chrissy Whynne was heard whining like a peeved mincing poodle in an undergrounded utilities suburb after he’d done the rounds of the Depend outlets.

“You’ll have to lift your leg on Liealot’s chair!” one irritated store owner was heard to bellow after him as he minced off.

“Serve Liealot right for constantly fiddling with the stock and harassing my staff looking for photo opportunities,” the store owner added. “My female staff are fed up with that stinky lycra. And those bloody budgie smugglers! The women reckon it wouldn’t be so bad if he at least wore a singlet or a t shirt as well…….but just smugglers, eewww! They’re thinking of lodging a complaint about sexual harassment, just quietly.”

“And as for that mincer, Whynne,” the shopkeeper went on to say, “I hope he sprays that bugger Liealot when he gets caught short. He couldn’t smell any worse than when he comes in here with his treadly after another stunt! Surely someone could arrest them for behaving suspiciously around lamp posts!”

patriciawa 10/10/11, Thanks, jane. Your vivid little tableau suggested Chrissie Whynne mincing around looking for somewhere to lift his leg and had me wanting to have him rounded up and impounded by the Canberra Dog Catcher. But then I thought, “Unfair to dogs!”

jane, 10/10/11, Great pome and post, patricia.

Miglo, 10/1011, Great commentary, Patricia.

BSA Bob 10/10/11, Good jokes people, but this whole thing is as good an example as you’ll get as to just how horrible Abbott’s lot are.

patriciawa, 10/10/11, Agreed, BSA Bob. truly horrible. Ridicule is less wearing than rage!

Sue, 12/10/11, wonderful words and so stinging for sophie as she is part of the history, but of course she will blame Slipper. patriciawa any possible pome on a Sophie slip up?

Acerbic Conehead, 12/10/11, PatriciaWA, Loved your poem on the Parliament House loos. After that “embrace of Gillard with Rudd”, it was definitely a case of “shit happens” on the Opposition benches.

Patriciawa,    12/10/11,     I have no doubt that her embrace of Rudd after the vote was as sincere as any she offered her other ministers and that his response was as spontaneous as he knew how.     I’ve so wanted to find a way to praise Julia Gillard for her fortitude in the face of almost overwhelming criticism from all quarters outside her own party.   How many of us could have held firm as she has done?     Amazingly Labor has stayed with her.  No one has broken ranks, for all the suggestions of commentators claiming to be in the know about dissension within the party.  Doesn’t that say something about her and the esteem in which she’s held on a personal level?

Kezza2,    19/05/12,     Another classic by you.  Accolades.  I just don’t how you do it!  Well, actually I do.  You have an innate sense of poetry.

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