Tony Abbott’s Crystal Ball(s?)

Abbott’s been making predictions.
Which now are looking like fictions.
So, this title had a certain ring,
Except…. for just one little thing.
Surely his balls are made of glass?
Which makes that site close to his arse
More than a ‘wee’ bit vulnerable.
If that last line seems censurable,
Remember, this man says it’s ‘Crap!’
When science ponders the climate trap.

So, aiming for those ‘crystal’ balls,
While Julia’s in the hallowed halls
Of power, a continent away,
Let’s ask how Abbott plans to pay
For all his brilliant schemes and pacts
With industry without a tax.
His numbers men’ve been computing
How to be rid of their polluting
So no one has a cost to bear.
Make it vanish into thin air?

That’s it, he says! It’s not a crime.
Why, people do it all the time!
Climate policy stops and starts
Amount to nothing more than farts.
Don’t they pollute the atmosphere?
They’re ours, he thinks,  nothing to fear!
All right then, if Abbott won’t bend
Let’s go now for his other end.
His language scatological
On issues ecological
Just underlines his well known view
There’s nothing God or man can do.
I disagree. When he talks shit,
Let’s make sure he swallows it.

Comments

Min,    07/03/11,    Patricia you were inspired that’s brilliant!

Augustus,     07/03/11,    Patriciawa the cafe Bard, nicely said!
patricawa the cafe bard
who never makes it seem too hard,
even me, when I wish,
with my broken Queensland english.
Who has the measure
of that one supposed national treasure,
Abbott the Rabbit
who has a really bad habit.
 He lies and he tries
but it’s all a disguise,
his balls are made of glass,
and yes!, they do hang too close to his arse.

Catching Up,    08/03/11,     Does that account for his funny walk.

Pip,    08/03/11,     Patricia and Augustus, keep up the good work with your poems.

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Tony Abbott Is Revolting!

I heard him telling Andrew Bolt.
Interesting what he had to say.
He’s organising a great big revolt.
Every month, every week, every day.

They’re going to march on Canberra.
They want us all to join with them
To fight the war on tax and terror
And make Mr Abbott our PM.

Yeah, Tony’ll come to lead us all,
He’ll give it everything he’s got!
We’ll overnight in a new school hall,
For a cause like ours that’ll be the shot.

Our flag will be red budgie snugglers,
We’ll wave them high and chant our slogans,
“Ban the Burqa!  No weapons smugglers!”
We’ll all march! Miners, bankers, bogans!

We’ll pay a levy for ‘extra’ details,
Like one last supper, or a portaloo.
We’ll follow Tony o’er hill and dales,
But where’s this place called Waterloo?

Comments

Feral Skeleton,      25/02/11 Patricia WA, Did you hear that everyone in Tony Abbott’s ‘Peoples Revolt’ must wear Red Budgie Smugglers?

Patriciawa,     25/02.11,     Thanks, FS, now included in Verse 4 as their flag!

Nasking,      25/02/11  Patricia, my wife and I laughed so much with this poem. So good. Classic! Yer poem’s so good I added it to mine on Abbott’s drivel. Hope ya don’t mind.

Pip,     25/02/11 Patricia your poem is a tonic, as for Waterloo I refer to Nas and yoga. The last yoga position for Mr. Abbott should be to bend down and kiss his arse goobye!!

Miglo,     25/02/11  Great poem, Patricia. You’re a gem.

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Showering With A Friend?

Is it really such a good idea,
Saving water, showering with a friend?
My experience, over many a year,
Are its dangers. If you have to bend
For soap and so expose your rear,
The other party may well extend,
Not the helping hand of friendship here,
But that other body part that seeks to blend
With yours. May I advise, while I have your ear,
Better share a bath, sitting end to end.
There’s more economy of water. That’s clear.
And fewer of those offers, and refusals which offend.

Min, 27/02/11 Love the poem Patricia! I agree..showering with a friend has it’s merits!

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Qs and Ps for Refugees

We, in Mr. Rabbit’s Coalition,
Have it as our worthy mission,
All refugees should understand
When fleeing to Downunderland
There are some very simple rules,
The kind they teach in primary schools.
And if you will these rules obey,
Then you’ll be settled here – one day.

First you must learn to stand and queue.
Think of others ahead of you.
Have to hand passport and papers
Proving you aren’t thieves or rapers.
Try to adopt a mode of dress
That doesn’t cause our men distress.
Don’t wear those burquas! Show more skin.
That’s sure to have you welcomed in.

Another rule we should include
Is not to fuss about your food.
Once meat is fried, sautéed or grilled
Don’t worry how its blood was spilled.
Halal rites are much too gory,
Says Shadow Secretary, Cory.
He’s our expert in resettlement,
His family being immigrant.

He knows that if you’re Islamist
You’re probably a bigamist,
And also practice Shariah Law.
So for you he’ll shut the door.
Don’t try then to come by boat,
‘Cos if you fail to stay afloat
And later require burial,
He’ll shrug and say, “It’s your funeral.”
For which he’s sure to find a way
That somehow you, or your ‘rellies,’ pay!

COMMENTS

Ad Astra,     23/02/11  Thank you for your verse, so pointed, so relevant.

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Action Man Is For Real!

More than Tony’s wheels go spinning
On his long rides for ‘charity.’
Ideas for election winning
Emerge for him with clarity.

Easy to see how ‘Action Man’
Thinks, as he runs and rides the surf.
How he conceived his ‘Action Plan,’
How to promote it with astroturf.

Slogans seep out with Tony’s sweat,
“Stop the waste!”   That’s the people’s voice!
Joe’ll keep repeating that, for all he’s wet!
Still he’s not as good as Barnaby Joyce.

“Stop the Boats!”   That unites the nation!
But when they sink?  Spilt milk!  Oh dear!
But in my funeral oration,
I’ll show the ALP’s to blame!  That’s clear.

Here comes a policy on water!
Fighting floods or Labor’s drought,
I’ll ask the farmers if we oughta
Build more dams once Gillard’s out.

When that woman’s out of my hair
I’ll do something for public health.
Do I really want that sentence there?
I meant, encourage private wealth.

Lyn, 21/02/11   Hi Patricia We couldn’t do without you. Thank you for your poem, a work of art. 

Ad Astra, 21/02/11  Thank you for your clever poem Patricia WA.

jane, 25/02/11  Patricia WA, loved that last stanza of your poem. Absolutely spot on.

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A Summer Of Sorrow For All Of Us!

Why begrudge a few dollars
The government’s spent?
Why not, this time,
Refrain from comment?
Why not just stand
And listen, and hear
The sobs and the grief
From afar and near,
Not just for ‘illegals’
Who’ve been lost at sea.
Fire and flood could have taken
From you or from me.
That great leveller, Death,
Requires our respect.
Surely today, even you,
Can pause and reflect.

NormanK, 15/02/11 Hear, hear, Patricia! Beautifully covers much of what I have not been able to find words to express today. Thank you.

Feral Skeleton, 15/02/11 Patricia, That made me go all wibbly inside. In a good way.

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Liberal Party Leadership Speculation

Leadership! Leadership!
Where are the whips?
Backbencher Liberals are licking their lips!
Tony’s exploded.
He can’t be reloaded.
Let’s not replace him with Andrew or Mal.
It’s gotta be Julie, the loyalty gal!
She’s done a wonderful job
Just shutting her gob
Backing Brendan and Tony
And Mal, the show pony.
But what about Joe?
Too sloppy. He’s not the go.
He’s sometimes unruly.
Let’s go for Julie,
Snake-eyed and slim,
She’s more photogenic than him.
A woman is better to clean up our mess.
The man we’ll choose later is anyone’s guess.

COMMENTS

jane, 15/02/11  Patricia, another good pome, from our resident laureate.

TB Queensland, 15/02/11  pwa, Clever “sloppy Joe” connection.

Tricot, 12/11/11 Patricia @4229 (PB) Great stuff – One thing about JB, she has certainly had the experience of being under a lot of leaders of the Liberal party.

george 12/11/11, PatriciaWA, I hope you’re saving all the great poetry you’re posting here (PB).

2353, 27/08/12, Very apt & clever Patricia. Hope your ills are receding quickly

c@tmomma, 27/08/12, PatriciaWA, Your Pomes are worth bottling. I must say though, with every passing day, the ‘photogenic’ face of Julie Bishop is morphing into one you could crack rocks on. You may have to modify the pome therefore.

Patriciawa, 27/08/12, C@tmomma, I certainly bottled your compliments with my pomes in the past! I stored them and eventually set up a site, polliepomes, and recently had PANDORA recognition. So I’ve kept busy, as I know you have. I look forward to reading your posts every day. You’re right about Bishop. I watch her sitting just behind Abbott there and wonder if that inane smile is all that her fixed facade of a face will permit without cracking!

Victoria, 27/08/12, The loyal gal? I just cant see it happening. Lovely poem by the way.

Psyclaw, 27/08/12, PatriciaWa, Yep, that vixen from your state is one who could apply for the job, but really! She’s incompetent on foreign affairs and economics so there’s a good chance they’d think she’s suitable. But she’s only ever been depitty because she’s the boss of the WA votes bloc.

Truth Seeker, 27/08/12, Patricia, good verse, but I’ve yet to hear anything of substance come out of Bishops mouth and I can’t imagine her leading anything. The only thing that the minister for bad cat calls, cats claws and bitchiness, is good for is her facial expressions and I thought I summed that up in a couple of lines from my poem “The Media”.
“So while Abbott bolted, Bishop stepped up, all prim and looking spruced
But her expression really said it all.. “I’ve just been verbally goosed!”

Miglo, 09/11/12, Patricia, yet another little gem. http://cafewhispers.wordpress.com/2012/11/08/times-up-tony/#comment-116335

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A Valentine For Julia

Some describe you as a ‘hard head’
But we know you’re far from heart dead.
This week, Julia, you’ve clearly shown
Such genuine grief, all doubts have flown.
You’re forthright, strong and no fibber,
Stand-out model for any Libber.
Throughout your career; from the start,
You’ve never been a bleeding heart.
But, intelligent and aware,
Conflicts you’ve resolved with flair.
Questions on why you’re not married
Laughingly you’ve always parried.
Which echoes another ‘Welsh’ red head
Who resolutely refused to wed.
You know, that ‘weak and feeble woman
With heart and stomach of’……oops!……a human?

Julia, you may not be a Tudor, born to rule,
But you surely come from that gene pool.

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Julia, Hard Head, But Not Heart Dead.

Wrongly described as a ‘hard head’
Our PM is far from heart dead.
Julia Gillard so often showed
Genuine grief that her tears have flowed.

She’s forthright, strong and no fibber
Stand-out model for any Libber.
Trace her career; right from the start
It’s clear that she’s no bleeding heart.

But, intelligent and aware,
Empathetic and always fair.
Questions on why she’s not married
Have been very lightly parried.

Which echoes that other ‘Welsh’ red head
Who resolutely refused to wed.
Remember that ‘weak and feeble woman
With heart and stomach of……’…..oops!….. a human?

True, Julia’s not a Tudor, born to rule,
But she surely comes from that gene pool.

COMMENTS

Lyn,      13/02/11,      Hi Patricia WA,   Thankyou for your magnificent pome today, your work is very much appreciated, & your contributions are an asset to TPS.    ‘Stand-out model for any libber!’   How true!  Cheers, Lyn.

Ad Astra,     13/02/11,       Thank you for your clever verse, Patricia

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Arms and the Man (2)

If Tony Abbott had his way
He’d mix with uniforms every day.
Policemen in their blue and gray,
Khaki clad soldiers far away,
With lots of weapons on display.
So why the passion for gun play?
Influence of the USA
Where being armed has such cachet?
Was his youth’s hero soldier, Che?
When ‘martyr of the left’ lost sway,
To the right, he found Pinochet,
Gun toting ‘saviour’ of Chile.
He dreams of his own ‘Victory’ day,
Aussies shouting,  “Tony!  Hooray!”
Cannons roaring, a band to play,
Complete with fireworks display.

Looks like those dreams will soon go south
If he keeps shooting………off his mouth!

COMMENTS

Miglo,      12/02/11  Good article, Patricia, and great poem. Both are on the money.

Nasking,     12/02/11 Great poem…you capture an aspect of Abbott that has concerned me for a good long time.

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